i am impulsive because ...

So I am totally psychoanalyzing myself here! And I am oh so brilliant at analysis – no jokes; I really am! Ask anyone who has had a decent enough conversation with me. I can psychoanalyze the movement of a leaf floating merrily in spring breeze and convince you entirely based on the direction it is flying in, that it misses the branch it fell off because it had made friends with the squirrel who lived in the trunk of the tree. NO – that’s not psychoanalysis! That’s my imagination working overtime. I can make up a story around any obscure object around me!!!

Ok – back to the business on hand! And yeah – my imagination fuels that impulsion!

So I have been wondering why I tend to be so impulsive sometimes. At times nothing bothers me and other times I am a bundle of nerves. The more I feel attached to someone/something, the more likelihood of lack of patience. I have all the patience for situations which are secondary in my life. But – I have a feeling that it is quite normal. However, what I find disturbing in my case are the extremes. The extremity of patience in some situations and lack there of in others!

I give such an impression of being a patient soul initially that people involved don’t know where and when to stop pushing their limits. And when it blows up, it is too sudden for them to deal with!

Here is my conclusion after much thought over the past few months of impulsivity I have subjected myself and a few important people in my life to! It is my defense mechanism in inter-personal relationships. When the insecurity is too much for me to deal with, I loose all long-sightedness and think of nothing but here and now. It’s almost like being a coward and running away from a situation. I convince myself that I am being decisive.

Until now I was convinced that I was living bravely and being decisive but here is yet another life lesson which I have learnt – I have to still figure out the lesson completely to put it in words; I know there is a lesson learnt … it will come to me now that I have started to contemplate ;) …