This post – is infected with ambiguity!
The writer – is just plain infectious (mostly literally and a little figuratively).
The mood – is frivolous banter laced with unintentional poignance.
There are days you wake up and immediately want to crawl right back to avoid that “ick” which your instinct warns of that awaits right outside the door. Friday was just that day! And boy, were my instincts correct! I woke up to a feeling of an immense void … (Serious case of delayed reaction!) . . . As the day progressed, much of what I have known to be stable in my life was not so anymore. Events occurred which will have some significant effect on my future plans.
I felt like I was loosing balance and tried to hold on to all that I felt was precious enough to hold onto. I made an effort which I shouldn’t have because it involves another and it was rather imposing … I felt horrible and worse after …I should not have… I won’t do it again!
I left work early. Everything was falling apart but my iPod knew exactly what would soothe my anxiety-ridden soul … meri aarzooo kamineee/mere khawab bhi kaminey . . . great lyrics and music to play in the fore-ground of my thoughts! . . . what can make this drive feel even better? A Frap … I pulled into the local Starbucks … As I pulled into the driveway, a woman wearing a Santa Hat waved at me. She had the most beautiful smile. She was accompanied by a young girl. Her daughter, I assumed!
“Spare any extra change?” she asked.
“I am sorry, I have no cash on me.” …
“Oh! Merry Christmas!” She waved as she continued to smile.
I noticed she had a board sitting next to her – something “homeless”. It’s not a rarity these days. Something stopped me and I turned around, “can I buy you girls a cup of coffee perhaps; it’s a cold evening.” They both looked at each other, “sure”!
~ ~ ~
Okay – I thought, so I am over-reacting! So if this is “over”-reaction – what would be the “normal”-reaction? Everything that I know as stable seems to be collapsing and to top it, I have lost that connected-feeling with someone who has been a very significant feature in my days! There is something else that is gone with that . . . The void became bigger!
As I drove home, I could not stop thinking of the ladies who allowed me the pleasure of their company. I thought, please God – let things work out for them soon. Hmmm…Good thought! I said to myself, you know Jasleen, they need that prayer more than you – you still have so much to go home to! One thought led to another and I revisited a few similar people who allowed me to share a few minutes of their lives . . .
~ ~ ~
He must have been a boy of about eight years of age.
Stopped at a traffic light in New Delhi, as I bought a magazine from one of the hawkers, he approached my window and said, “didi, aap bahut beautiful ho”.
I laughed and said, “thank you”.
He said, “didi, ten do na”.
I said, “kyon?”
He said, “kaha na, aap bahut beautiful ho.”
I said, “tum to mujhse zada beautiful ho; tum mujhey fifteen to.”
He was a little shocked - “Nahin didi, aap sach mein bahut beautiful ho.”
I wanted to continue the conversation but the traffic was starting to move. I gave him what he had asked for and pulled out my hand from the window for a hand shake, I said, “friends”! He smiled and ran away!
I loved his style! He must make so many women feel better about themselves . . . by the way, he really was one of the most beautiful little boys I have ever seen.
~ ~ ~
Setting: Again Delhi J
Realizing that I have to wait for 30 minutes for the dry cleaners to get my Sari ready, I decided to treat myself to a meetha-paan.
I felt so in control of the transaction when I said, “bhaiya – thoda aur gulkand.” The paan-waala gave me a smirky look knowing fully well that I am pretending to be a local.
I stuffed the whole paan in my mouth like the pros do; I decided to walk around the market. When I returned, my dry-cleaning was still not ready; “another ten minutes madam.” Ufff! I walked out and planted myself on a concrete pavement right outside the shop . . . Soon a little girl of maybe twelve, walked up to me and said, “mem sahib, mehndi lagwaogi?”
I said, “nahi.”
“Jaldi se lag jayegi.”
“nahi, mujhey nahin lagwani.” (I had had a painful experience only a few weeks back with the mehndi vendors – I was still no over that)
“acha – theek hai, to 20 hi de do.”
Slightly perturbed, “tum mehndi lagati ho ya paise mangti ho?”
“dono – to 20 dogi?” – like she was doing me a favor.
I began to like that interaction due to her confidence.
“20 thoda zada nahin hai mangne ke liye?”
“to kitne dogi.”
“doosrey kitney dete hain?”
“bees mil jaatey hain”
I gave her look full of dis-belief. She said, “15 to mil hi jatey hain.”
“paanch dete huye dekha hai maine to”, I said.
“acha dus hi de do.”
“nahin – mein to nau (9) doongi”
“acha baba – nau hi theek hain. Do!”
“mere paas nahin hain!”
She was starting to loose patience. “To kitney hain?”
“dus – chootta karva kar rupaya vapas karogi?”
Confused but still enthused to be released from this extraordinary situation, she said, “haan, do”.
I handed her the ten – not knowing if she would return back to give me my rupaya back. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Soon she disappeared in the crowd. Ten minutes later she had still not returned but my dry-cleaning was ready. I paid for it and as I stepped out to look for a three-wheeler to take me back home, a little girl tugged on my sleeve – place a rupaya on my palm and ran off.
Holding that coin, I smiled through my ride back.
~ ~ ~
As I exited from the freeway, the song was still on repeat . . .
Kabhi zindagi se maanga,
Pinjrey mein chaand laa do,
Kabhi laalten deke,
Kaha aasmaan pe tango …
Jeene ke sab kareeney
They hamesha se kamineyy
Meri daastan kamini,
Mere raastey kaminey . . .
